cant u juz linear abit for me???

... i am damn not hapy rite now... whenever v tok about go back hometown, or religion stuff i sure kik till dunno wat to say.... i juz hope u linear to me oni.... how many times do i nit to say... i put famaily as 1st... i cant not go back to home town and meet my mum... y whenever i said want to go hometown u sure said me ... u might thinking i not independent this and that.. but did u put urself in my shoe and think y?? i left my mum oni!!. 31/8 got 3 holidays all my brothers got chance to come back, v finally can have a whole family meet and gather together y i not take this chance to chat with my family ... ?? i have been gone thru the moment that my loving dad leave me.. this is y i become more care about this family!! i more care about the moment that whole family can meet together... if juz in skol life u cant even understand y i want to spend my time with my parents then i couldn't imagine how wbout the future wat lo..... is it means even more i cant go back to meet my mum and parents.. or have to ask permission whenever i go home??? u understand y i not happy or not???!! how many time do i nit to say....?? can u use ur heart to think y i not happy or not?? this make me feel u so selfish u knw.. !? religion is the most sensitive issue wat but u can even said after wat wat wat i dun want wat.. come on.. i oso dunno how to explain to u.. as i have told u before wat i have been thru and experience something that not much ppl can have the chance to experience .. religion is juz a safety place that for me to behave more obidient, more kind and think about others so that i can remind myself not to behave bad oni.. if not there is a religion that can rely on, i think u wouldn't see me smiling alwis.. and will in trauma becoz of my dad leave me u knw!!?? do u knw i had emo for 3 months becoz i couldn't put down my dad. i even force myself to sleep everynite and try to think about the word of my believe "release". then oni i can stand till now.... u understand or not...? this believe has cultivated by my dad since small,so how can i accept a house without wat wat wat....this is totally a sensitive issue to tok with, can u think deeply for me.. dun too strict to me pls.. i very san fu if like that... is not i wana show u face when i dun like.. i juz feel like very innocent and dunno wat to tok and i knw i explain and explain u still behave like tat even i choose to be silent better...
sometimes, i wish to go some places with u to take some photos but u said hot la, dangerous la... then not allow... but do u knw there are the places that i wish to go with u and carve the unforgetable memories in my heart ?? and those places are i wish to go long long ago.... is like a fairy story for me... yet cant accomplish with u ......
do u knw i feel wana cry out loud rite now.....??? i so sad that u cant understand y i behave like this, y i tok like this ar................................................................
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i'm really at a lost for words d.....


@pPLe.......