the no confident gal

this is the funny affair tat i writing my blog in my fren's house now... TB1 ended... trip ended... memory is the fluid flowing in my brain... so sweet.. its really so sweet... this few days i chat with a person tat i feel lacking something if i din chat with this person.. but... my share drop sharply..... this few days i tinking alot..... i feel i found the true 1... but my mind got alot worries... scared to loss after hav.. scared lost if hug tightly... feel scared .... scared hurt again ... scared... alot.... i nit tis person giv me confident.. build my confident... tats y i choose to wait.... wait a right moment.... hope i not a burden for u .. not the stress of u.... gambateh....

a terrible insomia starting ...

tmr wil be the last paper we sit... also the ending of TB1... cant let go.... but~~ yeah~!!! BUkit Merah !! i'm coming!!! whahaha!!! wait..... haven finish my study..... my god... i having the insomia so badly... yesterday i almoz becme another kuoky... i lying on the bed til 6 am.. this shud be the time workers wake up and ready to go for work.. but i juz ready to sleep... wat am i tinking?? sigh .... i knw d... get shocked d.... =p is u !! ya u!!! hate u .. hate u .. hate u.!!! sob..sob...sob... but mayb oso stress to face the exam... coz this is my 1st time.. left 4 chapter in the last day to study... u all lo!! alwis mamak !!! not go later say apple "mm bei min" bleh~~ then sat in the mamak listen the man toking the women alwis the women behing the successful man. am i rite??? dun u all realize v all ji mui macam accompany u all guys??.. nvm la.. so far got a marcus who very go to crap. bleh!~~ hehe~~ but it is alwis very funny tat marcus come to mamak together.. i tinking how suffer after go home at nite.. coz my mummy and sis sured sleep at 11pm.. then how about me??? i scared to stay downstair.. so follow to lie on the bed.. then count many..... but normally i sured will cry... then tired d.. sleep... coz wenever i go home . wen i cant sleep in the mid nite... my mind oni appear 1 ppl... then all the feedback frm slide to slide... so terrible... apple .. dun tink.. ya~ frens... dun call me after i go home... unless important thing.. my mummy dun like wan... if sms oso... but i will choose to sms ... wahaha... take care to all my honey , darling and lou gong.. meet u all in the battle in Bukit Merah~!!!

tell me wat u like on me..?!

wen i was in form 4 and 5 , i alwis teased by my best frens said apple fat... in tat moment i sured debate with them, i waiting the ppl who appreciate my inner beauty.. yet. actually my heart is still feel shame... but... become fat is easier.. become thin is hard.. becoz nit a great will power.. then i become no confident on myself...
i alwis tok to myself .. apple, 1 day later sure will hav the ppl who admired the real of ur heart.. ur inner beauty... then wait and wait... time is coming... this little fat and plump plump gal really got ppl found her inner beauty.. of coz i happy tat they r appreciate the real of me.. yet i so scared..i scared wat they really want on this little plump gal... to satisfied their desired from a plump gal or is it true tat i got a gud personality oni famous among the guys?? so i give very high self protection to myself.. thru an affair.. i found tat actually no matter how playful a guy is or hau fa fa is.. they still hope to buy a real insurance in their love life.. they will oso scared to find a pretty gf .. they still hope to find a gal got gud personality...
i dunno how to said my feeling now.. but i still will looking down myself.. coz i got plump plump body..... i see alot pretty gals in my campus.. this is make me more shame tat i'm not pretty enuf..frens, shud i decorate myself like bird?? or the now of me is more than enuf...?? leave me a comment pls...

by no confident gal,
APPLE

the couple's keychain.. love it ~!!!

tinking bak the keychain i saw yesterday.. really hope to hav it.. imagine a pair of couple having a pair of keychain which can joint together wen both together~~ so nice~ so fortune~ but i dun like the keychain is a love shape yet nit to seperate become a crack of a love shape... then joint together oni can become the complete love shape with cracking.. but yesterday i saw a love key chain i appreciated the most is a love shape not crack into half ... instead u nit to put a thin love keychain inside another love shape keychain.. it makes me feel how deep a bond tight this 2 wonderful hearts together not even crack into half of a love shape.. its totaly like a lock tat can locked this relationship forever even eternity~~ love it !!!! another keychain i saw is the cartoon style keychain... two little couple holding hands becoz of the little magnet. but i prefer the other keychain there is a magnet on the cheek of a little gal then the little boy kiss on the cheek by jointed the magnet N and S.. yor~~ these kind of keychain really melted my heart~~ muack~~ if i get it... i tink i will craft the name with my love 1 on the keychain we hav~ hope to hav such relationship like the little couple of the keychain, holding hands together for the eternity of the love life~ no more hurting~

insomia ... blog??!!

i am so tired.. but... still cant sleep... my waist so tired.. this is becoz hormone estrogen playing in my body... making my biologically and physically unbalance now.. even now... my mentally....
dunno y ... i knw it wont happen in my eyes.. but still tink tat blog will occured... a homework tat haven pass up... but its been end of the sem ... no1 shud pass up an assignment anymore... wat am i want and tinking now.. dunno... messy.. complex... but then i really hope to see tat... but oso hav to tink the effect after see tat.. wat am i toking about?? i oso dunno... apple.... go sleep.... dun addict of blog d... am i?? yes.... blog become a way to ppl to express feeling d... this how advance of the new era now... even take over the job of human... or something they shud say or do... and .. build a courage of human??? or shud i say making ppl even not brave??? enuf d.. i dunno wat am i crap now... suck!!!

i study nothing today...

.. today i already plan not to follow frens eat.. but finaly .. the notty kuoky ask to go out eat.. k la... since he so cute.. then after eat dinner.. v went to many souvenir shops to shop.. in a shop i saw many pair of couple keychain... so nice.. i love them so much.. cost RM19.90 per pair... but i din buy... coz if i buy d oso no meaning to hav it... then go to others shop... wahaha!! i found tat if nextime go shopping.. bring the childish kuoky along will be very nice.... he follow the gals and nvr walk away.. how gud rite??i mean help to take things~ hehe~then he bought a T-shirt. haha! the ET is so match with his personality... wah, how i tok about tis guy?? ermmm.... hehe... start to close with him from tis sem found he so childish... so cute.. alwis gu jit me!! becareful ah u!! hmm.. feel alwis make me want cubit him to wake him up.. skin fair fair.. older than me but i look more mature than him.. sad lo.. haha!! after TB1 pillow tok nite i become the No.4 wife of him... then drop to No.7 wife after study week wor..dunno y leh?? wat did i do wrong?? how bad of him.. wahaha!! watever la.. so far.. he oso quite sayang latest lou po la. wahaha!! so happy tat he will join in our trip... wahaha!! time to attack bak in Bukit Merah!! kakakaka!! becareful oh~ dun scared ~ dun scared ~~ i wont tell to whole world tat u oso scare gu jit wan~( now whole world knw since read my blog) whahahaha!!! bleh~~!!! dun tink play 1st la... go study.. then i will more sayang u ar~ guai oh~~ sayang~~wahahaha!! (cubit again)

god alwis testing us..

this is the little organ in my "xiu fei zeong"'s body

.. today i wake up... yeah!! wat i make a wish really occured d.. juz... make my body weak today.. nvm ... coz i can play wat i want in the bukit merah d!! paiseh.. then follow evin them go eat lunch... come bak to westlake.. i start my motorbike.. my god!!! wat happen?? cant start!!! i kept on start it ... but.. suddenly a great sound "pak!!!" my god... this time i tink really god bless me...(=.=ii) sigh... go 1434 to ask for help .. yeah! i get the number d.. then call to ask ppl repair my "xiu fei zeong".... my mind kept tinking wat the hell, no money still want me vomit frm my empty stomach...finally... repaired d.. then luckily!!! RM 7 . wahahaha!!! is plug problem!! see.. juz a little plug can cause me frustrated for so long.. watever la.. i tink this how pity a gal without a man wen in nit... luckily... still got them.. frens.. 1434.. although got man, spiderman, pretty gal, and alot weird ppl.. wahaha!! but.. i knw how fortune i met them in this year... sigh... whole day go here and there... i haven start wat i plan today in my studies.. sigh... so busy....

insomia... sob..sob...

now is midnite.. i have been gone thru a great war today... so tired... went to tesco ate KFC then went to pasar malam... my mind got alot of things struggling me.. i tinking the trip.. the fund.. tinking tis and tat.. sigh... now seems like missing some1... who is tat?? i wonder... bleh.... i shud close my eyes and count 1,2,3,4,5....... but... no stars.... then i count 1 lou gong, 2 lou gong, 3 lou gong, 4 lou gong... wahaha.... alot tim.. lazy to count... then now i shud blame some1 tat train me become tis recently d... ya is u!!! dun look anywhere d!!... sob..sob... panda eyes d... aiya... hungry now 2.. wat to do?? eat??? dun eat will gastric... sigh... sleep la... dun tink about it d... recently my gastric is so hardworking to strike .... watever la... so sleepy le.. yay!! faster go sleep lu~~ nite~~ who reading my blog in the midnite??? y not go to sleep??? haha!!! i got partner d... insomia partner..!!! childsih apple..... sleep la!!

i so happy today...

i tinking and tinking the way to make my mum allow me to go bukit merah after exam this few days...finally i out of idea.. i choose to be honest.. i took my phone to call home.. my mum received the call. but my hp no credit.. i ask my mum to call bak... then my heartbeat increase.. i so scared... and i knw i sured get scold.. finaly... i really get scolded... but finally i said my frens will be leave me soon , some of them go PJ.... so this may the farewell trip d... then my mum stop toking.... then v tok and tok... FINALLY, FAINALLY!!" i dun care d u do wat u want la..." wahahahaha!!! ( i knw my mum mou ngo fu d...) hehe... wat to do now.. which study even more harder... so tat let my parents knw.. even i got play.. but i knw to arrange my time to study...
today .. juz finish my maths... after do it all.. i no confident.. and i tot my A will be say gudbye to me.... but... i asked and check the question i no confident... finally i knw ... actually... the whole year of an Apple is no confident d... i wonder when i become a gal tat no confident in myself d.. even previous i so confident in my maths.. mayb this is how deep the learning lesson i got in form 6... become the apple no confident nowadays.... many ppl may said tat its juz a number .. but u all dunno how important for me to prove i really give my heart after i fell down... so.. dun said to me pass is enuf d... if i juz get past.. i will oni blame myself... oso get scold by my sister and brother... and i oso want to prove to my youngest brother tat the little sister tat ever fell down b4 , she is using a heart to study.. why he cant? frens.. this is how i be a 2nd sister and youngest sister in the family.... frens, will u support me til the end..??

y whole world said i innocent???!!

its been the end of my foundation year.. but.... but!!!! i still cant run away with the "innocent" this word on me!!! y?? y??? said me innocent?? i wonder am i the personality give a impression to all my frens i so dan soon, my god... in the uni d.. still got this adjective to decribe an apple... sob...sob.. then innocent is gud or not?? mummy !! help!!! y ur daughter so dan soon?? btw, how u guys mean dan soon on me leh?? attitude or look??? haha.. but it is gud to be dan soon rite?? coz i hav all the care and love among my frens.. sometimes... ying jie even kiss me!!! my god... my 1st kiss ! my kiss !!! no.. she kiss on my face and head la. wahaha!! so far, my 1st kiss still belongs to myself.. luckily~~~!!! wahahahaha!!! hehe... it is hard to get my kiss lu~~ la~lala~~la~~ bleh~~this picture am i really look innocent???!!

handphone day in the mid nite...

3 days b4 i chat with a ppl in the mid nite.. becoz i cant fall sleep then chat and chat, crap and crap.. wahaha..this was my 1st time i ever chat wif a person in phone more than 1 hour.. then yesterday.. again... until 3.30am in the morning... wah, i tinking how dare this ppl frm 016 call to 017 and lasting for more than 1hour .. so gud this ppl ... wenever i chat with him sured frm unhappy to happy...tats y sometimes wen i not happy.. i sured tinking this person to share with me.. coz this ppl will make me so happy then forgot my anger... thank u ya~~ tink is how bad luck u met me d... coz after caht with me recently, i'm sured ur credit increase alot... wahahaha, well, i not better than u too... so poor to chat with u ar~!!!! hate u , hate u !!!! yet, u make me so sayang u ~ whahahaha!! then, all the best in the exam lo... stop call me wen u doing revision... i cant take the responsibility if u get worse gah.. go go go!! go study now!! still read my blog??!! go study !!! whahahaha!!

middle in the junction

exam is around the corner... but i still very lazy... juz finished read 1 chapter... my heart feel weird.. it is so silent in the nite.. my heart felt like missing some 1... who is tat....? i wonder who is tat.... sigh... i'm such standing in the middle of junction.. wat shud i do? where shud i go...? y suddenly my heart feel like empty?? the wat shud i fill in this pity empty heart???? apple .... go study la.... wana fail??? no , i bet i wont fail... this is call confident??? ... no, i juz tink tat this is how far i reach now.. how could i fail??? is shudnt fail.. and not dare to fail...

this year really so enjoy with my study.. feel like study without stress.. becoz with the happy condition i hav in my study environment... i enjoy in my studies.. but... wen i tink to degree ... i feel so innocent ... coz i hav to start frm zero again... which is go make frens again.. go used to the new members in assignment again.. see, how blank my mind now??? frens, do u feel like i do??

a heavy heart

i feel heavy now.. i duno how to express this feeling yesterday...i argue with him again... i duno how to say and explain to him... but as the bad temper of me , the ending still the same as previous.. fighting in MSN lo. sigh... i knw he appreciate all the frens he made.. but is he over d even guys not unsed to him?? i analyse to him.. then... after heard wat he said i felt pissed off .... even wana said out all the rude words to ward him... finaly i knw he discredit me. i very angry coz everytime my care become a stress or obstacle to him.. y?? so, no nextime d.. or say... really no nextime d... coz not same class.
then in the same day i read an email which stated all my ex bf expenses in uni life and i knw he is facing finacial problem even body nit surgery but.... he dun go.. becoz a suck sis he has... i wonder for sis and bro to help his younger bro or sis further their studies is wat a proud affair to them .. y tat suck sis seems like juz borrow money?? then finaly i knw how fortune i born in such a understanding family and having the relatives tat really helping my dad fulfill last wish... tats y i alwis tinking if touch wood 1 day my sis and bro facing problem.. i will help them as much as i can like how my uncles and auntie treat their brother (my dad) and look after they family.... if said pay bak to my relatives i tink i totaly no ability.. becoz they really gave alot to us d.. not oni in financial and the care v get.. the support they gave... maybe i really so fortune to born in the educated family. learnd how diff the educated ppl help their parents and so on... of coz i not discriminate the lower educated ppl. thru the incident i faced b4. i really found how diff between educated ppl and low educated ppl help others.. educated ppl they analyse alot and using the knowledge they hav to find the gud way to make a suffer family live easily, long term look after a family in nit and care.. whereas low educated ppl they using their brave , alwis said nit help juz say and like to give money and spirit supporting.. see how diff of 2 type of ppl. of coz v understd it is still depend on the ability they hav.. so far, the point of both still the same .. help ppl in nit.
this week i juz attended to my relatives gethering.. and v hav dinner togehther , in the dinner i am unhappy... becoz i felt so shame tat i cant let my mum to feel proud of me.. my mind appear many tat, y i not dare to speak to my relatives ? y a ppl study PR still scared to face social and i knw in the future, my job will such like the situation surrouding me tat nite.. y still nit to scared? not cant understd wat they spoke. is i scared they cant understd wat i speak.. finaly silent and silent.. then self-esteem become low..
who knw my dream since small wen sitting in the dining room in my grandmum house?? i juz got a small little dream was.. 1 day later this wall hanging alot of graduation pictures, ther will be 1 of my picture.. very childish?? but do u knw how proud tat ur graduation picture can hang againts the wall in my grandmum house? mayb not as top as my cousins they are.. but this is the prove of the little gal ever fell down and stand up again. do u all knw how stress of me now?? do u all knw i kept blamed by my mum tat i cant enter local uni?? do u all knw i juz hope the support frm my family? do u all knw how happy i finish this foundation nonit get blame anymore?? do u all knw i nit prove myself to my mum? do u all knw i hope my mum retired soon so tat nonit work in the stage tat shud live hapily??? do u all knw i dun like the auntie who work with my mum and taught alot discriminate to gal ? do u all knw i hope to ask the auntie "r u a woman"? but do my mum knw i already regret tat i din enter local uni?? do u all knw i feel hurted tat my mum blaming me for 1 year?? who knw??? no 1... myself knw.. oni my dad wont do like my mum did. coz watever i chose he juz support me and believe this daughter will be the 1 can let him proud of.. will i blame my mum?? no .. this is becoz my mum low educated.. but my dad knowledgeable... so wat shud i do now??? stil 1 word... it is "PROVE"..

i get it. nottyapple.blogspot.com

yes, finaly i got a blogger too.
previous , i using frenster blog to express my feeling. now, i hav a blogger too as most of my frens hav too.
well, i started to write was my best fren ying jie help me to registered 1 in my frenster. day after day, i used my blog to thanks my frens they ever help me. and i oso read wat my fren's feeling of day.. this is the end of my foundation years d.. i dunno how to tell my sorrow and hapiness to my beloved frens in TB1, so i may write all happened in my life.. hope .. the fuji apple who ever be with u all nvr leave u all. whaha , since u guys oso like to write blog. so, lets c... wat our life change in the coming year ... frens... take care.....